Because I said so

These four words saved my life.

And while this may seem exaggerated, there are critical Ys in the road of an adolescent's / young adult's life that must be guided by experience. This brief account of my life's critical few Ys early in life is shared to serve as an inspiration for others young and more experienced, especially parents.

By the age of ten (10), my parents had provided me with a solid foundation in family, faith and a hard work ethic. While these are critical pillars for a productive life, there still was missing essential tools to realize my full potential. These tools were, the ability to focus, driven by self–discipline, and the development of self–confidence.

As a pre–teen I was beginning to excel in athletics, such as baseball, basketball, and track, yet there was still a lack of focus and self–confidence. At the age of eleven (11), I had expressed interest in the martial arts ("karate" specifically, because of the movie "The Karate Kid") and my parents obliged with karate lessons as a Christmas gift. Our first visit was to "Kim's Karate" at five points plaza in Montgomeryville, where Mr. Kim was not there, as he normally only visited once a month, and there were two (2) and three (3) year black belts running the school. Thank goodness that was our last visit there as the school was no longer in a year, despite its polished look, and a critical negative Y in my life was averted.

Our next stop, and what was going to be our final stop, was Bushi Karate. This place was different, as it was not as polished, but for some reason the majority of the students and teachers had been there for many years (10–20+ years), and the head instructor was always there. The first few months were fun and exciting, but after that karate became boring and too difficult as I wanted to just play with my neighborhood friends. I wanted to quit, and I did everything to avoid karate.

But this is where another important Y came in my young life and my parents knew better. They knew that I needed these tools of focus and self–confidence through the discipline I had started…the martial arts. My mom would drive around the neighborhood to find me and tell me that I am going to karate. I would often say that I did not want to go, it was boring and why did I have to go. That is when they would say, "Because I Said So."

Even as recent as a few months ago, I vowed to be the type of parent who explains the reasons behind decisions we make for our children. And while I will still explain the reasons, if there is not cooperation with the decision on important matters, I will now say the reason is "Because I Said So". Not really knowing what he was saying, my five (5) year old son said to me recently, "I am not your friend anymore" after I said "Because I Said So". Now I am sure he did not understand what I said back to him when I explained that I would like to be both his father and his friend, but if he makes me choose one, I will be his father first.

As I am a part of a generation who has experienced the transition from one (1) parent working households to two (2) parent working households, if there are even two parents or any at all, I am in a unique position to see what it has been affecting. Specifically, less time is able to be spent with our children, and too often that time is spent focusing on being their friend first and not their parent. It is a noble endeavor to be your children's friend, but it must be second seat to being their parent.

A young person is like a lost wonderer in the desert, and without a compass to point them in the right direction the consequences could be fatal. Now I am not saying hold this wonderer's hand at every step, I am saying guide them on critical issues such as supplying them with the tools the martial arts discipline provides around focus and self–confidence, not to mention self–defense.

Lastly, practicing what you preach is a great way to support doing what you just told your child to do because you said so. My story continues with my mother joining the martial arts a few months after I had continued due to my parents' directive. As I continued and drove toward accomplishment after accomplishment my ability to focus, through self–discipline, and my self–confidence grew to a point which to this day provides me the feeling of being unstoppable. Unstoppable in everyway, from grades, to athletics, to relationships, to life as a whole. And the best part about this journey is that my parents were and are with me every step of the way and have become my friends through their parenting.

In conclusion, I challenge us all to be parents first and friends second to our children. As the old adage goes, there must be a great person behind that great leader, and I assert that there must be a great person / parent(s) behind our great children who are willing to say "Because I Said So" and then enforce it.

Your children will thank you for it later, as I thank my parents now.

Thank you for saying...

"Because I Said So"